The Secret Language of Intimacy

Book excerpt: In The Secret Language of Intimacy, shame and its consequences are foregrounded as a major, if not the major, impediment to the healthy functioning in the relationships of couples. In the first part of the book, Robert Lee presents the "Secret Language of Intimacy Workshop," developed and presented for the first time at the 1998 Annual Conference of the Association for the Advancement of Gestalt Therapy. Lee not only describes how the hidden forces of shame and belonging regulate couple dynamics, but also how the workshop itself has facilitated the acceptance of these forces and promoted therapeutic resolution, utilizing clinical vignettes. The second half of the book is comprised of internationally contributed essays from leading names in the Gestalt perspective, each adding to and redefining the role of shame and belonging in the theory and practice of Gestalt couples therapy. Their conclusions, however, are just as insightful for purveyors of other psychoanalytic and psychodynamic therapies as well.