Prizeworthy

Book excerpt: Gold Nautilus Book Award Winner Learn how skillfully prizing kids (rather than mindlessly praising) can be a game changer in your relationship as a parent, teacher, or helper. Our culture is addicted to "good job!"--our all-purpose, feel-good, non-specific, or high-bar-setting verbal praise--especially when we talk to our kids. However, research shows that generic praise is insufficient and sometimes even backfires in nudging them toward their potential or helping kids navigate challenging moments. Praise can put too much emphasis on controlling results, and kids can experience it as pressure and learn to fear failing in adults’ eyes. By contrast, prizing is a game-changing mindset and set of specific skills that can help kids convert moments of emotional pain or stuckness into opportunities and possibilities for healthy change and growth. Prizing brings kids and adults together into a shared space in the present moment where conflict can dissolve, connection can thrive, and needed changes arise. In Prizeworthy, clinical psychologist Mitch Abblett introduces us to the skills of prizing and shows us what it looks like and how to do it in real-life situations. For example, techniques like "SNAPPing Out of Delusions of Outcome Control with Your Children" or "Light-Touch Goal-Setting with Your Kids" add an important layer of validation, compassionate presence, and skillful action to your relationships. Abblett also shares stories of how prizing has made a real difference in the lives of young people, parents, and professionals. He offers a host of scientifically-sound mindfulness and positive psychology-based practices for cultivating prizing at home, and in educational and therapeutic settings.