How To Talk To Your Dog About Sex

Book excerpt: Do you have a dog? Have you had sex? Then please, for the love of dog, check your best friend for signs of DOOFUS (Dogs Oversensitive to Owners Fu*king Unabashedly Syndrome). Does Buddy look at you in that “I could use another treat” way? Does Princess only sit reluctantly, on the third or fourth command? Does Bailey still chase his tail before crapping? If you answered yes, no, sometimes or “what the fu*k business is it of yours?” to any of these critical criteria, then I hate to break it to you, but your beloved dog has DOOFUS, a debilitating, godawful syndrome and it’s all because you had sex within eye or earshot of your best friend. Thank god there’s a top-secret cure. Heat & Stir, that same couple who brought you Total Mindfu*k, a Fast and Filthy Guide to Sexual Roleplaying,now delivers a patented process tailored to relieve your cherished best friend from the ravages of DOOFUS. Combining proven animal behavioral science, bleeding edge dog psychology and that scintillating, top-secret cure, Heat & Stir will teach you to inoculate your stricken dogs from further suffering. It’s complicated and sciencey, and probably makes no fu*king sense whatsoever, but like all Heat & Stir creations, it’s passionate, funny, fast-paced and sexually-supercharged.