Hangman Starman

Book excerpt: CW: Suicidal ideation, self-harm, sex/death psychodynamics, but the journey moves from such darkness into radiant, transformative light! “and the glints on waves / are not glints on waves, but... / stars...” In summer 2010, artist and poet Bruce Rimell fell into a self-destructive spiral of suicidal ideation, confused hyperactivity, and dark dreams so unsettling and so persistent that they threatened to tear his life apart. The most prominent recurring nightmare was one in which he hanged himself and enjoyed it, eager to end his life, but at the last moment he would spit out letters, so did not die. Waking up terrified, he felt himself coming undone, desperately seeking answers but finding none. When he began to 'enter into the image' of this dream, rather than study it rationally, a new and unexpected transformative path opened up towards a more holistic Queer spiritual identity. This in turn kickstarted the healing of his latent self-destructive urges that arose from his internalised rage at centuries of homo/queerphobic persecution. 'Hangman Starman' is a visionary voyage through the darkest realms of Bruce's gay/queer psyche, a brutally honest account of his time in the underworld, and how he worked his dreams to burn his darkness through to the blazing light on the other side.