Esquire the Rules

Book excerpt: Now bigger and better than ever, with nearly 100 new entries! Here are all the best "manly" rules from Esquire's popular feature, collected in one heck of an amusing and enlightening paperback. Just being a man was never more fraught with confusion and peril-and that's why this best-selling guide has been expanded. Derived from Esquire's popular feature, this men's manual to life offers more than 600 rules and manly musings. Accompanied by wry black and white illustrations on each page, the rules are guaranteed to set a guy straight. Here is entertainment to live by: Rule number 198: When it comes to luggage, men don't pull. Rule number 311: A man should avoid using the phrase "assume the position" on the first date. Rule number 543: If you can't make it good, make it big. And if you can't make it big, make it red. Rule number 538: No bioweapons jokes in the cover letter. Rule number 571: Every sitcom must feature an episode in which the male character is tragically torn between celebrating a romantic milestone and using unexpected basketball tickets. Rule number 592: One exclamation point per e-mail! Rule number 597: Disc 2 is the best disc in the box set. Rule number 600: The wackier a doctor's neckties, the less prestigious the medical school. Rule number 604: The best villains have accents and walk slowly.