The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex

Book excerpt: “A hysterical look at the different aspects of sex for straights, gays, and even animals . . . The book offers amusing factoids sprinkled throughout.” —SeattlePI Welcome to a Sexy World of Sexy Sex. Sex is the most powerful and important thing in the universe, and if you aren’t instantly good at it you probably never will be and everyone will laugh at you. This is something you should know before even attempting sex. Fortunately, you hold in your hands the ultimate guide to getting your rocks off, rigorously field tested by the authors. Every sexual technique they have tried. Every erogenous zone they have erogenated. Every STD they have suffered from—sometimes for way too long—just to see what would happen. But beware—this sexy knowledge comes with a terrible price: After you have read this book, there is no going back. Once absorbed, the wisdom contained in The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex cannot be unlearnt. You may easily spend the rest of your life orgasming your brains out, and neglecting your friendships, your career, and every other aspect of your life that doesn’t involve constant genital stimulation. To call you a mindless sex zombie would be putting it gently. But you will be completely satisfied . . . as will your legions of sexual partners. WELL, ARE YOU IN? “This book offers you a rare, essential glimpse into the Schaal/Blomquist method of ADVANCED DOING-IT, and finally a chance at 40 percent sexiness.” —John Hodgman, New York Times bestselling author of Medallion Status “Hilarious and now I finally know where sex books come from.” —Jon Stewart, host of The Problem with Jon Stewart