The Ultimate Cats' Catalog

Book excerpt: What self-respecting feline wouldn't be proud to display a Mounted Fake Rottweiler Head in the family room or den? Order yours now from The Ultimate Cats' Catalog! Use your human's credit card to avoid delays. Operators are standing by." The Ultimate Cats' Catalog pokes fun at the concept of cats as consumers. Products offered in this mock catalog range from the silly to the grotesque, with hilarious full-color photographs and illustrations. From the comfort and convenience of her own home, kitty can order the Endless Curtain, a set of 50-foot-long drapes mounted on a roll that will enable her to have a continual supply of fresh curtain on which to sharpen her claws. Or she can choose the Temperature-Controlled Mouse Cellar, perfect for storing dead dry-iced mice under ideal conditions to keep them fresh for months on end, offered in a variety of sizes and configurations. Glamour-Cat© Whisker Extensions will surely appeal to any cat's vanity, as they are available in multiple colors and come in Alley Cat or Vamp lengths. And for the carrion connoisseur who's stuck in the city, the Urban Cat's Roadkill Press adds "real highway taste and texture" to the catch of the day. In a world where cat owners can actually buy such real products as Halloween costumes, greeting cards, and gourmet baked goods created just for felines, The Ultimate Cats' Catalog is a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek gift for people who indulge their cats.